Goodness my mind won't stop wheeling. The good thing about blogging is I can pour out my thoughts uncensored and not worry about offending someone's opinion. Thank you blogger for giving me room to let loose :)
As I get older I keep hearing this concept of "making it". When I "make it", determind to "make it", chasing after my dreams so I can "make it"......What exactly are people trying to "make". More money? More friends? Connections? Recognition? What!? In no way am I knocking anyone for wanting to "make it"; however I can't help but wonder WHY? First response would be to take care of my family...my response: You are doing a wonderful job of that now. If we take away the chivalarous answers I think we have this pure honest answer: So I will be remembered as something/someone great. Let's face it, we all want to go back to our high school reunions to rub in everyone else's face how important/valuable we've become. We want to show everyone that doubted us that we can "make it" and then show those who have already "made it" how to give back to where they came from. When laying it out like this it sounds like we're more concerned about what other people think of us and see us as.
As of late my mind can't get off of this: I want to be used by God, remain nameless so He can become great....not me. Tony and I are making less money than when we first got married. And by less I mean less than half of what we made when we first got married. To be honest, this is the happiest we have been. Finances have been a pain in the butt, yet we've been able to make the best out of life and give Gabrielle everything she NEEDS (although we'd love to spoil her and give her everything she WANTS). At the end of the day we're so blessed.
We've been without cable for over a month now. And when I say without cable this includes local channels. Our local channels are a blue screen. I absolutely loved and still enjoy the quietness it brings. We spend so much more time as a family now watching movies, reading books, playing xbox together, playing with Gabby, getting out of the house, etc. I didn't realize how much cable divided my home. Typical evening in my home with cable: Tony in the living room watching ESPN, me in the bedroom watching Food Network, Gabrielle running around the house bored demanding for one of us to play with her. How sad is that? How did we get like that? Now, our evenings consist of us spending quality time together over a movie from netflix, or extended bed time with Gabby with lots of books, or laying on the bed and talking about things we've never talked about. Now I am pretty sure those who are striving to "make it" wouldn't put "Not having cable for a month" as one of their criteria for "making it". Matter of fact I think they'd panic without such a luxury, connection to meaningless entertainment. Now of course I love cable tv. I catch up on Biggest Loser on nbc.com and thank you Hulu for having Atlanta Housewives on there, but how important are these shows to my life? It's amazing how much of a priority I would place on these shows. I thought I'd die not being able to watch my weekly reality tv shows.....I was wrong because I am still living and breathing.
Back to this idea of "making it". I admit that I was guilty of this thinking before. I want to be known. I want to make more money (I still would like that!). I want I want I want. I forgot to even consider what God wants. How did I forget that His ways are higher (Isaiah 55:9)? He has an amazing plan for my future (Jeremiah 29:11)? Seeking God and his righteousness first will Add to my life (Matthew 6:33)? How did I loose sight of this? I mean really...do I honestly believe that I can do better for my life than what God can? If I work harder, stress more, pull ourselves in every direction, and chase after dreams to "make it" that will make us happy? Happier? Successful?
My thinking is starting to shift on things above, not to sound all cliche and all. But I really am starting to see life as not something to build myself up but make God known. When I die I leave everything behind. EVERYTHING. But what I do take with me are souls that have come to the knowing knowledge of Christ. I will meet those people once again in heaven and to see them saved from a cursed eternity is starting to weigh heavier on me. Now, I'm not bugging out. Promise. You won't see me downtown talking about eternal damnation. But you will see me serving and loving more. Not so I can gain anything in return, but so they can have the joy that I have. They can find their purpose in life. They can taste and see how good God is (Psalm 34:8).
God is so good. I think all of this weighs so heavy on me because I feel God so strong in my family. I feel Him leading us....And I hate to say this because it sounds so cliche, but I hear Him calling us as a family. Even Gabrielle. Gabby preached to Tony the other day when we has sick. She told him "Daddy you have to get better because God doesn't want you sick. You need to pray and ask God to make you better and He will make you better". My 4 year old....it brings tears to my eyes to see God working through her at 4 years old. Not a night goes by that we don't say prayers. She will not go to bed unless we say prayers. She wants me to read the bible to her every night and sing "God songs" (what she calls worship music) to her. If she knows the song she'll sing it with me. What I love about all of this, I don't force any of this on her. My prayer every night is that her heart always pursue God.
Tony has completely changed. My goodness! I don't know if he realizes this but he has become ministry minded. Meaning, he no longer cares about "making it", rather he's more concerned about helping others "make it" to God. He was looking for another job and before even having the interview decided to turn the position away (that paid a significant amount more) because he didn't want to miss church on Wednesday nights. He serves in our middle school youth group. Ministry-minded.
I pose this question to you....what are you chasing after? what are you living for? Life is so much more than just trying to "make it". Yes, take care of your family, excel and use the wisdom and knowledge God has given you, but don't waste your life chasing after these things. After all...seeking God and his righteousness will Add these things to you :)
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Shoo Flu!
The plague has hit my home. That was a little dramatic. The Flu has struck my home. Tony took Miss Gabs to the drs with a fever. We were thinking it was an ear infection but they informed us it was the flu. We caught it early (yes!) so thankfully she didn't have to go through all the yucky flu symptoms. She has been such a big girl though!! I kept her in doors for the last 2 days and she has been contempt with watching movies and laying in the bed. I will let her get up and run around the house and play. That will last all of 10 minutes and she's back on the couch watching movies again.
Tony came home from work today with a fever and chills. I gave him some nyquil cold and flu, powerade with a mixture of Emergen-C, and some gummy bears and sent him to bed. I refuse to catch this mess. I have to work and too much going on to get sick. I absolutely refuse.
Gabby is doing a lot better and actually took care of Tony tonight while I worked. That's my girl :)
So I have a few blogs brewing in my brain that I think will be pretty interesting. Topics are Reconciliation, Maturity, Humble Beginnings, Prayer does work, Bad parenting, and The song of my heart. :) stay tuned!
Tony came home from work today with a fever and chills. I gave him some nyquil cold and flu, powerade with a mixture of Emergen-C, and some gummy bears and sent him to bed. I refuse to catch this mess. I have to work and too much going on to get sick. I absolutely refuse.
Gabby is doing a lot better and actually took care of Tony tonight while I worked. That's my girl :)
So I have a few blogs brewing in my brain that I think will be pretty interesting. Topics are Reconciliation, Maturity, Humble Beginnings, Prayer does work, Bad parenting, and The song of my heart. :) stay tuned!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Wide Awake
Work will be here soon. In a few hours I'll want to throw my alarm clock against the wall and curse its existence. It's not its fault that I don't get to bed at a decent hour. It is only doing what it was created to do....wake me up. If I don't like it, oh well....it was designed and created to keep me posted of the time and alert me when it's time to get moving.....If I don't hear it and oversleep....not it's fault.....Even if I do hear it and ignore it's first warning, it'll give me a second, third, fourth, etc warning every 9 mins (why 9? I don't know...weird thing).
Does that remind you of something? Or should I say someone?
The holy spirit, still soft voice, conscience, ephiphany, whatever you look at it as, is like that alarm clock. When the time is right bombs will go off and if you're not listening, ignoring it, or trying to throw it against the wall you could miss a very important life moment.
Don't you just hate that annoying buzzing sound? EH EH EH EH EH EH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom got me a new alarm clock for Christmas because Gabby took my old one. It had a cd player to it and she liked to fall asleep to worship music. How can I deny my child worship music? So the alarm clock became hers. In it's place I used my phone alarm....EPIC FAIL!! I can't tell you how many times that stupid thing wouldn't go off and leave me sleeping so peacefully only to wake up 10 mins before I needed to be at work. So my mom got me a new alarm clock to take it's place. This alarm clock is great. I never have to set the time. I just plug it in and it starts to shuffle through numbers (reminds me of Biggest Loser weigh ins) until it stops at the current time. I have no clue how it knows what time it is but it's just that awesome! Thank God it does because it's the only clock we have in the house.
Destiny has been calling out to Tony and I for the past few months. It's been sending us warning EH EH EH EH EH EH!!!!! alerting us that it's almost time. Time for us to walk out why we are on this earth, why we've endured so much over the years, why death couldn't claim my life in 2008, why my marriage HAD to survive. Everything we have been through has led us up to this point in life and Destiny is shouting that it's time to wake up and get ready....we can't miss this Life Moment. Too many lives are at stake. Too many souls need to be awakened. Too many hearts need to be mended.
Now I can't get mad when it goes off and come up with excuses as too why im not ready (I got caught up stalking my Facebook friends, great movie came one, or blogging :) ).God will set off that alarm when the time is right. Our task is to make sure we're prepared, equipped with the knowledge of Truth, living with a renewed mind, a pure heart, and practicing the fruits of the Spirit so we can meet that Life Moment, embrace it, and live it when that alarm goes off.
Besides, what good are you if you stay asleep?
Time to wake up.
In saying that I better get some sleep. Totally didn't mean to preach a mini-sermon. Good night.
Does that remind you of something? Or should I say someone?
The holy spirit, still soft voice, conscience, ephiphany, whatever you look at it as, is like that alarm clock. When the time is right bombs will go off and if you're not listening, ignoring it, or trying to throw it against the wall you could miss a very important life moment.
Don't you just hate that annoying buzzing sound? EH EH EH EH EH EH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom got me a new alarm clock for Christmas because Gabby took my old one. It had a cd player to it and she liked to fall asleep to worship music. How can I deny my child worship music? So the alarm clock became hers. In it's place I used my phone alarm....EPIC FAIL!! I can't tell you how many times that stupid thing wouldn't go off and leave me sleeping so peacefully only to wake up 10 mins before I needed to be at work. So my mom got me a new alarm clock to take it's place. This alarm clock is great. I never have to set the time. I just plug it in and it starts to shuffle through numbers (reminds me of Biggest Loser weigh ins) until it stops at the current time. I have no clue how it knows what time it is but it's just that awesome! Thank God it does because it's the only clock we have in the house.
Destiny has been calling out to Tony and I for the past few months. It's been sending us warning EH EH EH EH EH EH!!!!! alerting us that it's almost time. Time for us to walk out why we are on this earth, why we've endured so much over the years, why death couldn't claim my life in 2008, why my marriage HAD to survive. Everything we have been through has led us up to this point in life and Destiny is shouting that it's time to wake up and get ready....we can't miss this Life Moment. Too many lives are at stake. Too many souls need to be awakened. Too many hearts need to be mended.
Now I can't get mad when it goes off and come up with excuses as too why im not ready (I got caught up stalking my Facebook friends, great movie came one, or blogging :) ).God will set off that alarm when the time is right. Our task is to make sure we're prepared, equipped with the knowledge of Truth, living with a renewed mind, a pure heart, and practicing the fruits of the Spirit so we can meet that Life Moment, embrace it, and live it when that alarm goes off.
Besides, what good are you if you stay asleep?
Time to wake up.
In saying that I better get some sleep. Totally didn't mean to preach a mini-sermon. Good night.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Rain rain go away
I love to blog. How ever did I get away from blogging? So what shall we talk about tonight? Where life is right now? Gabrielle getting so smart and old? Marriage? The weather? Relationships? I have no clue lets just see where this ends up.
The weather is absolutely depressing today. I could have been awarded the "Worst Mother in America" award today. Lethargic is an understatment and I forgot to use patience. Creativity is as clear as the sky and my eyes refuse to stay open, even when driving. I could have laid in the bed and done so all day long.
My mind has been in overdrive these past few weeks. The reality of being an adult has hit pretty hard. Life just feels so.....crucial? serious? right now. I feel as if this is no longer a game. This is real life. Real decisions. Life changing decisions. It would be nice if I could just step back and let someone else make the decisions but that's not how it works. I'm sure we'll make the right decisions and look back and be glad we did. I wish I could fast forward to that part.
That's about all I have for right now. Maybe my intellect will return with the sun :)
The weather is absolutely depressing today. I could have been awarded the "Worst Mother in America" award today. Lethargic is an understatment and I forgot to use patience. Creativity is as clear as the sky and my eyes refuse to stay open, even when driving. I could have laid in the bed and done so all day long.
My mind has been in overdrive these past few weeks. The reality of being an adult has hit pretty hard. Life just feels so.....crucial? serious? right now. I feel as if this is no longer a game. This is real life. Real decisions. Life changing decisions. It would be nice if I could just step back and let someone else make the decisions but that's not how it works. I'm sure we'll make the right decisions and look back and be glad we did. I wish I could fast forward to that part.
That's about all I have for right now. Maybe my intellect will return with the sun :)
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