Ladies Ladies Ladies...let's talk

This is a blog I wrote in 2008 and has remained one of my favorites. God has given me such a tender heart for women and knowing their worth. This blog isn't for everyone, I realize that. I pray, if this is for you, that you will see how Beautiful you truly are.

We need to talk. Men, you're welcome to step in as well, but this is intended for my ladies.

We have a problem. A pretty big one. It seems that the majority of woman don't know their self-worth. Then we have those who say they know their worth but will trade it in so easily for a semi-good night with a not so good man. What happened to us? What happened to the pride we took in ourselves? Our body? Have we thrown respect for ourselves out the window? Why have we settled for less? A man that doesn't respect us? Really? A man that's clearly just trying to get in our pants, and we let them when what we really desire is commitment? Why are we doing this to ourselves?

The only conclusion I can come up with is that we don't know how valuable and special we are. Yes, we have our issues, our flaws, our mess-ups, but I am not talking about that. I am talking about what you see when you look in the mirror. There are too many woman who are just unhappy. They are miserable. Life has beaten the hell into them and they lost sight of how beautiful they are. They have chased man after man after man hoping that he's "The One" and in that pursuit it has altered their entire identity to become what they THINK that man desires. We become a little freakier for them so hopefully they'll love us more; trading in our moral values in hopes he'll wife us up. We buy him nice things hoping he'll thank us properly with a ring on our finger.  We bend over backwards, forwards, and sideways to get him to love and notice us all so we can feel beautiful. Give all that we are to the wrong guy hoping and wishing for the best...but deep down inside knowing the truth.

This has got to stop.

We are wasting away and just giving out all that we are to all the wrong men. I am not saying they're bad or horrible men, but what you're giving to them are pieces of you that belong to your husband oneday. You can never get these pieces back. Your feelings for them will always linger. Your heart will always skip a beat when you think you see him in a crowd. But he doesn't deserve that piece of you. Only one man does, not all the men you think that may be your husband.

Do you have standards? You don't have to answer this to me, but to yourself. If so, what are they? I'm not talking outer appearance or that he loves his mom. But what about qualities and traits you will have to live with for the rest of your life? Do you respect yourself? Honestly? Do you carry yourself like a lady? Some men don't respect us today because we don't respect ourselves. We have made it too easy for them to holla at us and get us in the bed without evening knowing our first name. We've made it so easy for them to get us, use us, throw us away, and leave us heartbroken and hating all men.

I'm tired of it. I am tired of seeing my beautiful ladies's lives revolve around a man that isn't for them. A man that beats on them. A man that talks down to them and treat them like dirt. A man that's taking advantage of them. A man that has no intention of making you his wife when that's what you want. Why are we doing this to ourselves? Has the lie of "there are no good men in the world" infiltrated our brains and left us brainwashed to settle for the shit of the litter? Excuse my language but come on! Ladies, we are worth more than that!! YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT! The point of having standards is not to have a flock of men flocking to you but to weed out the ones who won't treat you right. Standards are suppose to make the pickings slim. If a committed relationship is what you want, then you have to set some standards in your life because if not, it will carry over into your marriage. If you think your problems will get solved when you get married, HA! Honey, they get worse because now you're dealing with those problems ALL THE TIME and not just 25% of the time. You can get away from the lies, verbal abuse, cheating, manipulation, his lack of commitment when you go back to your seperate spaces, but you can't run away from that in your marriage. And lets just be honest, why go into marriage with divorce as an option? No one goes into marriage hoping for a divorce. This isn't like breaking up with your high school sweetheart. We have got to get it together ladies.

Now, yes, I can go on a tangent on the men. Oh believe me I could, but this isn't for them. This is for us. We need to wake up out of this delusional world of love and open our eyes. Let me lay out some hardcore truth. If he wants to be with you, he will be with you. It doesn't matter the distance or the inconveniences (no car, whatever) that stand in the way. If he wants you, you will know it!!! It's that simple. Stop waiting for him to turn you from his booty call to his wife. It most likely won't happen. You've allowed him to treat you like that, and only you can change that. If you don't know how he feels about you, um, ask him. Why play games? Worried about messing up the friendship? No you're not. Be honest. We all use that line: 'we don't want to mess up a friendship.' No. You don't want to loose him out of your life and you know if you let him know you want a relationship he'll run from you. But isn't that the best thing for you? Isn't he holding you up from the man that wants to be in a relationship with you? But instead you're wasting time with this guy trying to get him to fall in love with you.

Let me explain a lil' something about men. Men speak up if I am wrong. When they are ready to settle down they are ready to settle down. They have their eyes set on finding wifey. They're not looking for the woman who is begging and trying their hardest to get his attention. They're looking for that woman that completes them as a man. They're looking for that woman that they can take home to mom and raise a family with. Sure, you may be able to be that woman to him, but if you're on your knees all the time with a different man how can he see you? There are some amazing men out there looking for a wife but all they see are insecure woman breaking their back for the wrong men, so they keep on walking and keep on looking.

What are we doing with ourselves? Can you look in the mirror and know you are beautiful from the inside out? And if you can't, are you going to do something about it? Are you going to wait for a man to make you feel beautiful? Or are you going to pick yourself up off the floor and start carrying yourself with dignity and respect; start living a happy life even if you are single; and start believing in yourself again?

You are a beautiful child of a God that is in love with you. He wants the best for you. He has a great plan for you. He sees every tear you cry. He knows exactly how you feel. If you've given up on His plan, it's not too late. It's never too late. Don't be scared to seek his plan for your life. Of course it will change a lot of things but oh how perfect is the will of God. Your selfish and failed attempt to make yourself happy will always leave a void. Always. Stop running. Stop ignorning. Stop thinking you can out smart God. Accept his grace and his love and begin to see yourself the way He sees you.

I think you're beautiful. I think you are so beautiful and no matter what has happened to you or what you have been through, you are a queen and deserve to be treated so. You deserve love and respect. You deserve manners, happiness, and peace. The scars on your heart left over from life are beautiful because it's made you stronger. The pain and the hurt you've had to endure has not gone in vain, your reward will be great. But don't let that stop you from believing in yourself. Don't let that stop you from what you desire in your heart. No matter how you feel or what you're going through, wake up each day telling yourself you're beautiful.

Stressed trying to be blessed

Ever heard that saying "To blessed to be stressed"? I have. I have heard it a lot. Never said it. But I have heard it. Here's the thing, I am blessed. I am tremendously blessed compared to a lot of people, but that doesn't mean life is perfect. That doesn't mean life is easy. It definitely doesn't mean that I don't lack for anything. Ever been in a place where you know you're blessed but you have so many pressing life situations that cloud your view of all your blessings? If so, welcome to my life.

My name is Dana and I am worrybot (worry+robot=worrybot). Yes, I admit it. I think and sometimes overthink everything! This eventually leads to stress. Stressed with paying bills, getting the car fixed, piled up dishes, friendships, getting healthy, future plans, Gabby's bed time, what to cook for dinner, dirty laundry, trying not to stress, waiting for the next Hunger Games movie, knowing what I want to do for the rest of my life with no means of doing it, yucky cold germs, 60's in the morning and 80's in the afternoon, Kristen Stewart's acting, my unarched eyebrows (I know you've been looking, I'm working on it!), hair products, carbs, pimples, always being "in the mood" (wives can I get an amen?), lack of good music, broken promises, stinky trash, needing furniture, to reproduce or not to reproduce (seriously, that is the question), cheating on Dunking Donuts because of Starbucks Pumpkin Spiced Latte, broken toliet thing that won't flush, 8 year old guitar strings, getting out of debt, debt, avoiding debt, resisting more debt, settling debt, did I mention debt, safety for my friend who is in the service over seas, gas prices, Nine West withdrawls, carpet stains, completing at least one pin on my pintrest, True Blood's season finale, and I'm sure a bunch more. It's a never ending cycle..welcome to the inner working of my brain.

 

Can you relate to this? Does it feel like I'm reading straight from your online journal? Do find yourself stressed out by the everyday (and not so everyday) worries of life...espeically Kristen Stewart's acting?

 

God has used this past year to teach me about this thorn in my side called worry/stress. In a nutshell, God said "STOP IT". Easier said then done. How do you stop?

 

Well 1st, you need to take a deep breath. Go ahead.....Feels good, right? Do it again for reassurance.

 

2nd- tell yourself "It's not that bad" (except for Kristen Stewarts acting; it really is that bad). Whatever it is that causes you to stress you've given it way too much control. If you're like me, if a financial emergency comes up that you're not prepared for, you think the absolute worst. Example: Car breaks down....OH GOD I'M GOING TO LOSE MY JOB. See? It's not that bad. It sucks, yes, but before you start signing up for unemployment benefits take that deep breath and tell yourself "It's not that bad".

 

3rd-Pray. I know I know I know. Trust me I know. There is a problem. Something that needs to be fixed NOW. Praying? Really Dana, pray what? :) Glad you asked. I'd like to take you to where God has led me to numerous times throughout this past year: Philipians. *insert the demons screaming "we're melting!"*

Philipians 4:6-7

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

*cue praise break music*

 

When God first let me to this scripture I wanted to throw something. That's not what I wanted to hear. What I wanted to hear is "Do not be anxious for an anynomous check will arive tomorrow...", or "Do not be anxious the Lord almighty will destroy your debt collectors"....No, it says Do not be anxious for anything, but in EVERY situation (lost job, broken car, not enough money, no food, power is cut off, Kristen Stewart's acting) PRAY. You know what my hard part of that was? Thanksgiving. Not the gobble gobble with gravy Thanksgiving, but thanking God. Giving God thanks. Thanking the Lord. Doesn't this seem just cruel.? You've just cried your mascara off, hair is in turmoil from pulling on it, you've bitten your nails to the point they are bleeding, and verbally destroyed everyone in your life and you're to give thanks? YUP. That's the key to removing worry/stress. When you focus on what to thank God for, your perspective begins to shift. You find yourself maybe even cracking a smile as you thank God for your children, your husband, your job, running water, clothes on your back, food in your fridge, gas in your broken car,....Jesus's sacrafice......there is always something to be thankful for. Always.

 

4th-Then what? My favorite part: The Peace of God saves the day. It doesn't immediately fix the problems, or magically makes it all disappear. But it covers your heart and your mind while God and yourself fix the problem at hand.

 

Removing the worry/anxiety/stress will help you pray clear specific prayers AND listen to what God is saying. This isn't hocus pocus mumbo jumbo stuff. This is something that I had no other choice but to practice. It was either that, or lose my mind. Honestly. I started experiencing panic attacks on a daily basis because worry and stress gripped me so strong. I couldn't even hear God speaking to me because all I heard was my own fears and worries. It's not worth it. Trust me.

 

My life by no means is glamarous. There's nothing spectacular or fancy about it. I don't "ball" out of control or live beyond my means. My husband and I both work hard to provide and be good stewards of what we've been blessed with but life has dealt some difficult times to us and some we've dealt ourselves. I wish I could say I handled those difficult times with grace each and everytime. What I can say is, I have learned so much through those times and have learned to truly rely on God's peace to see me through those times when I feel stress creeping up.

 

Story time! Just recently, Tony and I were up against the financial wall (you know the wall that seems taller than the skies with no way around it). We were out of options. This had nothing to do with us choosing to eat out every night or me buying shoes (even though I wanted too...sigh). Simply put transition with new jobs and pay schedules. Not being irresponsible with our money. Matter of fact our stove is begging for a break! Anyway, we were out of options and it's the first of the month...nuff said. We looked at each other and we didn't argue, or even play the blame game (our favorite...iKid). The words that came out of his mouth at that moment were the same words that were resonating in my heart as we drove home from church, "I should be stressed out, but I am not. I feel God's peace." (Single ladies, please hear your friend...marry a man that loves the Lord. Not perfect, but loves and fears the Lord. When times are at its worst you want a leader who will be lead by God's peace and wisdom...trust me). I looked back at Tony and just smiled. He knows me so well. He was waiting for my meltdown. I could feel his prayers over those past few days covering me. I explained to him "I can feel worry and stress trying to get to me but I feel God's peace blocking it. I can't bring myself to worry about this because of how strong I feel God's peace". So what happened next? We got evicted. Kidding. Some how things just worked out and God added to that a little financial miracle that came in the mail. It wasn't a million dollars, but it was overflow (sorry to go all Christianese on you but that's one of my favorite Christianese words). True story peoples. True story.

 

I want to encourage all my worrybots: There is a peace that God has promised to us that will pass all understanding (God I don't understand how I got here, God I don't understand why this is happening to me, God I don't understand where I went wrong...). This peace will guard not only your heart but your mind. Spend some time alone with God today and ask Him to make this scripture real in your life and your heart. You'll be amazed at how removing anxiety/worry/stress out of your life can drastically change your prespective, your marriage, your parenting skills, and hopefully oneday Kristen Stewart's acting.

 

Thank you for reading my novel :)

 

 

Well hello 2012

Where did this year go?? Don't get me wrong. I'm not sad to see it go but a lot of wonderful memories were made this year. A lot of hard decisions were made. A lot of maturing. A lot.

I'm going to do my best to keep up with the blogging. A good friend came into my store yesterday and she inspired me to start writing again. Life has completely changed. I have changed. For the good that is. There's exciting news to share. Exciting for some. Sad for others.

Tonight, I am on E. My emotional tank is overflowing leaving stray tears falling at any given moment. Good, bad, sad, upset, angry, joyful, hopeful, doubtful, bitter, excited, etc. I can't think straight. All I can do is put on my praise music and get lost in the beautiful harmony while God wraps me in His embrace. I like to call this phase in life Holding On. Holding On to what I know is truth even when its difficult. Holding On to God's peace. Holding On to any bit of strength I have left. Its times like this when I become very recluse. Its times like this that push me closer to my Savior. Its times like this that my faith is built. Its times like this that I appreciate my dear husband who can carry me. Its not a matter of if these times will come but when. I know none of this makes sense now. When I have time to do a complete update it will all make sense :)

Please know that I am doing well. Tony and I are beyond wonderful. My family is absolutely beautiful and amazing. Gabrielle hugged Tony and I both before falling asleep with the biggest smile on her face saying "I love my family". And God....what words can explain His greatness? His grace? His love? If it were not for God and His presence I couldn't face each day.

Happy New Year.

Alright 2012, lets do this.

Straight Way

I had a sweet evening with the Lord tonight. Gabby and Tony went to church and I stayed home after work to relax, take deep breaths, and attend RWOC online. It felt like ever song they sung, and ever word Apostle spoke was sent straight from God to speak to me. The worship opened up with Kari Jobe's song 'For Me' and immediately the tears began to fall. And I let them. These past few weeks have been so trying on me. Stressed out to the max and confused on which way is up, down, whatever. I even fussed at God, screaming 'Where the heck are you!?!?'...Ok I probably didn't say heck but you know what I mean. Oh come on, you know you have those moments where you feel like God is watching you drown and waiting until the last minute to throw you a life saver. But hearing Pastor Steven sing over and over "I know that You are for me. I know that You are for me. I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness. And I know that you have come down, even if to write upon my heart, to remind me of who you are" just broke me. I needed it. I needed that sweet moment with God to let Him remind me who He is and He is for me. They then began to sing "How He loves" and changed the words after singing a few choruses "I love you, Oh how I love you, Oh how I love you, Oh how I love you"....so sweet. Apostle Ron then gets on the stage and is standing there. I know that look. He's about to mess up my world. He tells Steven to sing "Wrap me in your arms" and the dam breaks. Tears flowing, God's presence just fills my house and it's just God and I as he wraps me in His arms. Having a God who loves and cares so much about every intricate detail of my life, who will meet me in my living room to remind me He knows and He's there, is beyond words. And He was just waiting on me. I tend to build and build and build up stress trying to be strong and take care of things and God being the gentle creator He is will patiently watch and wait for me to break so he can pick up the pieces and restore me back to peace. Sigh....my knight in shinning armor :) Apostle then shares the scripture that God laid on his heart during worship that had Him in tears, Psalm 107:4-7. It hit home. Oh man did it hit home: 4 Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. 5 They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. 6 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. 7 He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle Some key things in how it stuck out to me: 1. Wandering around wastelands. I feel as if I am and have been just wandering around life trying to find my way to a place where I can settle in a career, home, city, etc. 2. Their lives ebbed away. Because of this wondering my life has decreased in so many areas. We're not in a place of settling which makes it difficult to take root and grow. However, this isn't the place for us to take root and grow either. How can a tree bear fruit if planted in the desert? 3. He delievered them. His grace is sufficient. This part leaves me speechless because He heard their cries, my cries, and He is always there to deliever. 4. He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle. I see where God is leading us to that straight way that will lead to the place we will settle. Praise God that this isn't it for us! Praise God He has a plan and purpose for our lives!! You may be scratching your head wondering what in the world I'm talking about or you may be shouting at the screen (Brandy), but I wrote this blog for me. As a reminder that when the desert gets unbearable and is ebbing away at my life to cry out to God for help and he'll deliever me and then lead me on a path that is not going to decrease my life but lead to a place where I can finally walk in his calling and plan for my life. Jesus, you simply amaze me.

Do you have a return?

Leave it to God to stick me in retail to teach me how much I am NOT a people person. "But Dana you're so friendly and fun".....when I've had coffee. Ok, yes I am friendly. I enjoy my FRIENDS. I enjoy the company of people I actually KNOW. People I don't know...different story. I came up with this saying years ago to describe me, "For an extrovert, I'm really introverted". This is me. When it comes to people I don't know I have no clue what to say. I suck at conversation starters. I am that person that will discuss the weather because I have nothing else to say. The crazy thing is I am great with strangers........ STRANGER DANGER!!!........sorry..ADD moment. I am so great with my customers at work. I will talk and talk with them about absolutely nothing. IF I have had my coffee I actually don't mind it. However, on days like today...I just really could care less what they have to say. Mean right? I don't even want to ask how they are doing because if they respond with "JUST LOOKING" (which is not an answer to the question I asked) I may start pegging shoes at them until they run away. Mean right? I'm such a meany.

Today I had to make a return....ugh it was tough to return too. I had gotten 2 pairs of really cute pants from Lane Bryant that fit me PERFECTLY! However, a sure sign of maturity is choosing my family's well being over pants that make my assests look lovely. So I took them back today. I get to the register and there is a lady in front of me ordering something online. The blessed lady working the register looks at me with my bag and ask if I have a exchange. I tell her I have a return. She ask if I want to look around for anything else and I tell her no thank you. So she goes back to helping the lady in front of me. She then comes from behind the cash wrap, looks at me again and ask if I have an exchange...Now I'm confused. I could have sworn I just told her less than 4 seconds ago that I had a return. I tell her again, no ma'am I have a return. She then proceeds to yell at her co-worker (who just so happens to be at the front of the store) "COME DO THIS RETURN"....gee thanks for calling me out. So this woman comes up and doesn't say hello, how are you, i hate your guts for screwing up our numbers with your return. She ask if I have a receipt proceeds with the return with an attitude. Here I am trying to be responsible and do the right thing and this lady is giving me an attitude because it's not benefiting her. I leave the store feeling like I NEVER want to shop here again because of how I was treated.

How many times do we treat those who aren't so nicely polished according to our Christian standards? They come into our churches looking all kinds of things (trashy, skanky, dirty, poor, etc) and instead of assisting them we treat them with disdain. Who knows the reason why the unsaved come to church but should that be any of our concern? Our job is to love them, make them feel welcomed into the kingdom of God and roll out the red carpet because they are loved by our heavenly father. If God says they are loved..then whom am I to agrue with that. Why shun them? Why look at them rather than talk to them? Why expect the hospitality team to great them? Why leave their eternity in the hands of someone else when God placed them on your heart? They are in the perfect place to return their hurt, pain, addictions, worries, fears, bad habits, sin, and exchange if for God's peace, love, salvation. We may think they don't care but our attitudes will speak volumes louder than our words.

I felt sooo convicted. I know when someone walks into my store carrying a Nine West bag or box I already know they have a return and start to build up my attitude because they are hurting my numbers for the day. I had the sweetest lady come in today who has Parkinson's Disease. She couldn't stop her head from shaking. She bought a pair of shoes, worn them but they hurt her feet...my intial reaction "OH WELL". Good thing my store manager is more forgiving. She already approved for this lady to exchange her worn shoes. After helping her for about 20 minutes God started giving me a spiritual whooping. This woman was extremely sweet and wasn't trying to be dishonest. She was having her second back surgery shortly and needed comfortable shoes to wear.

I told my store manger before I left that I have a new vow....No more attitudes with returns. I'm adopting this in every area of my life. When I run across someone who may not have anything that will benefit me, instead of building up a wall, I'm going to extend my arms and love and serve them however they may need it. I definitely got a good glimpse of how my customers may feel when I have an attitude about their returns..... :( not pretty. Sigh...maybe one day I'll get this whole thing together :)

Product of Grace

I don't do well with pre-judgements on myself. If I feel someone putting me on a pedestal I will quickly jump off and destroy it. If I feel someone putting me into a stereotype I will do something to make them think again. If I feel someone placing unrealistic expectations on me I will do the complete opposite of what they expect to prove a point. What's my point? I am not who you think I am. I am a man.

Kidding. Seriously though. I am not perfect. I don't do the right thing all the time. I have the weirdest sense of humor and can be very mean at times. I have a huge lack of patience. I can be lazy.....a lot. I am not organized. I am always late, for everything! I say the wrong thing all the time and make up words that make absolutely no sense. I don't have this squeaky clean and perfect past. What I am today is a product of grace.

My truest friends know me best. For that, I am so thankful. I can be very guarded and won't let people get so close me. The friends that God has placed in my life have seen me in every ugly, hurtful, and painful place I have experienced, and love me none the less.

God has been dealing a lot with me about friendships and relationships. God is transitioning my family and with that he's adjusting my relationships. A friendship I thought that was completely over has been brought back to life and better than ever. A friendship that came right on time. The prayers of this friend has helped keep me sane, challenged me to push deeper with God, and protect my family. The random moments with this friend has given me a safe place to let my short hair down and be me 100% uncensored. It's finally a friendship where iron is sharping iron. A friendship I am so thankful for.

My relationship with my amazing husband is absolutely beautiful. Ohhhh man if you could have seen what it was like for the first 6 years of it! I look at him everyday and thank God for what He has done for our marriage. We both work so hard to put each other before ourselves, to have a selfless love. When I am away from Tony all I think about is him and wanting him to just hold me. This amazing God-fearing man has such an awesome heart and testimony.

My life is no where near perfect. I have a God that makes me look so much better than I really am. He loves and cares so much for me, why should I waste my life on anything less then His best? I had to cut out unnecessary drama and stress. Have you ever realized how difficult it is to hear God's voice when you're stressing out over life? I've put my foot down and said no to stress. No to the silly games people want to play. No to stressing over things I can't change. Last week was just emotional overload. I had to say no to letting certain things bother me. The past 2 nights I have had such an amazing and peaceful evening with Gabby and Tony. It's funny how sometimes we let outside life inside of our home and destroy our peace. You better believe Saturday and Sunday were dedicated to praying peace back in my home and pleading the blood of Jesus over my family.

Sure I'd love my red cape and boots with matching super powers, but God's grace surpases all that any day.

"And I ask you how many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down? And each time I will fall short of your glory, how far will forgiveness abound? And you answer my child I love you, and as long as your seeking my face, you'll walk in the power of my daily sufficient grace"-Silar's Bald

Running after you

I wish I could be superwoman sometimes. You know, super powers and all. Since this is reality I'm left with a million things to be tended to and only one me. It's all so overwhelming. I wish I were organized enough to have my life together. Days like today I wish life were normal. M-F 8-5 boring job. Maybe then sanity would reside longer than 15 minutes. This week has just been reality over load for me. Looking at the home page of yahoo makes me want to bust out in tears and long for the return of Christ.

It's funny because lots of women look at me being young with a 4 years old and 4 years of marriage under my belt and wish they had this. I look at them and want to laugh. All of this is great but comes with a cost. Somethings will get ignored. The days I work (which feels like everyday) by time I get off all I want to do is rest. Gabby will not stay in her bed at night, waking up every 2-3 hours. I think she's going through seperation anxiety because I don't get a lot of time with her. This lack of sleep filters over into my work day. I'm tired all day. I get home and have to love on Gabby, love on Tony, while the laundry, dishes, and other house chores long for my attention as well. What's more important? House chores or family? I always choose family. Tony and I don't have a day off together so we attempt to squeeze in maybe an hour of alone time before attempting to sleep. Since my brain doesn't know when to shut off I'm left laying in bed for the next 3 hours hoping the travel channel will eventually put me to sleep. By time I start to doze here comes Gabby and the cycle starts again. I don't have 2 days off in a row. My days off are divided. As of today I will work 8 days straight before getting another day off. Best part is it's not overtime.

Overwhelmed at the moment is an understantment. How do I keep my peace? Barely and by the grace of God. I have my "Pure Abandoment" playlist playing reminding me of God's soverignty and goodness. Funny how no matter what life brings it always leaves me running back to God. When times are good I'm running to crawl in my heavenly father's lap to celebrate. When life is unbearable, I am running to his open arms to let his embrace ease away all the pain. When life becomes so overwhelming, I am running to his presence for strength.

So many people look at me and think I have it all together and I don't. What I do have is a God that walks with me every step of the way helping me, strengthing me, and cleansing me.