This is a blog I wrote in 2008 and has remained one of my favorites. God has given me such a tender heart for women and knowing their worth. This blog isn't for everyone, I realize that. I pray, if this is for you, that you will see how Beautiful you truly are.
We need to talk. Men, you're welcome to step in as well, but this is intended for my ladies.
We have a problem. A pretty big one. It seems that the majority of woman don't know their self-worth. Then we have those who say they know their worth but will trade it in so easily for a semi-good night with a not so good man. What happened to us? What happened to the pride we took in ourselves? Our body? Have we thrown respect for ourselves out the window? Why have we settled for less? A man that doesn't respect us? Really? A man that's clearly just trying to get in our pants, and we let them when what we really desire is commitment? Why are we doing this to ourselves?
The only conclusion I can come up with is that we don't know how valuable and special we are. Yes, we have our issues, our flaws, our mess-ups, but I am not talking about that. I am talking about what you see when you look in the mirror. There are too many woman who are just unhappy. They are miserable. Life has beaten the hell into them and they lost sight of how beautiful they are. They have chased man after man after man hoping that he's "The One" and in that pursuit it has altered their entire identity to become what they THINK that man desires. We become a little freakier for them so hopefully they'll love us more; trading in our moral values in hopes he'll wife us up. We buy him nice things hoping he'll thank us properly with a ring on our finger. We bend over backwards, forwards, and sideways to get him to love and notice us all so we can feel beautiful. Give all that we are to the wrong guy hoping and wishing for the best...but deep down inside knowing the truth.
This has got to stop.
We are wasting away and just giving out all that we are to all the wrong men. I am not saying they're bad or horrible men, but what you're giving to them are pieces of you that belong to your husband oneday. You can never get these pieces back. Your feelings for them will always linger. Your heart will always skip a beat when you think you see him in a crowd. But he doesn't deserve that piece of you. Only one man does, not all the men you think that may be your husband.
Do you have standards? You don't have to answer this to me, but to yourself. If so, what are they? I'm not talking outer appearance or that he loves his mom. But what about qualities and traits you will have to live with for the rest of your life? Do you respect yourself? Honestly? Do you carry yourself like a lady? Some men don't respect us today because we don't respect ourselves. We have made it too easy for them to holla at us and get us in the bed without evening knowing our first name. We've made it so easy for them to get us, use us, throw us away, and leave us heartbroken and hating all men.
I'm tired of it. I am tired of seeing my beautiful ladies's lives revolve around a man that isn't for them. A man that beats on them. A man that talks down to them and treat them like dirt. A man that's taking advantage of them. A man that has no intention of making you his wife when that's what you want. Why are we doing this to ourselves? Has the lie of "there are no good men in the world" infiltrated our brains and left us brainwashed to settle for the shit of the litter? Excuse my language but come on! Ladies, we are worth more than that!! YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT! The point of having standards is not to have a flock of men flocking to you but to weed out the ones who won't treat you right. Standards are suppose to make the pickings slim. If a committed relationship is what you want, then you have to set some standards in your life because if not, it will carry over into your marriage. If you think your problems will get solved when you get married, HA! Honey, they get worse because now you're dealing with those problems ALL THE TIME and not just 25% of the time. You can get away from the lies, verbal abuse, cheating, manipulation, his lack of commitment when you go back to your seperate spaces, but you can't run away from that in your marriage. And lets just be honest, why go into marriage with divorce as an option? No one goes into marriage hoping for a divorce. This isn't like breaking up with your high school sweetheart. We have got to get it together ladies.
Now, yes, I can go on a tangent on the men. Oh believe me I could, but this isn't for them. This is for us. We need to wake up out of this delusional world of love and open our eyes. Let me lay out some hardcore truth. If he wants to be with you, he will be with you. It doesn't matter the distance or the inconveniences (no car, whatever) that stand in the way. If he wants you, you will know it!!! It's that simple. Stop waiting for him to turn you from his booty call to his wife. It most likely won't happen. You've allowed him to treat you like that, and only you can change that. If you don't know how he feels about you, um, ask him. Why play games? Worried about messing up the friendship? No you're not. Be honest. We all use that line: 'we don't want to mess up a friendship.' No. You don't want to loose him out of your life and you know if you let him know you want a relationship he'll run from you. But isn't that the best thing for you? Isn't he holding you up from the man that wants to be in a relationship with you? But instead you're wasting time with this guy trying to get him to fall in love with you.
Let me explain a lil' something about men. Men speak up if I am wrong. When they are ready to settle down they are ready to settle down. They have their eyes set on finding wifey. They're not looking for the woman who is begging and trying their hardest to get his attention. They're looking for that woman that completes them as a man. They're looking for that woman that they can take home to mom and raise a family with. Sure, you may be able to be that woman to him, but if you're on your knees all the time with a different man how can he see you? There are some amazing men out there looking for a wife but all they see are insecure woman breaking their back for the wrong men, so they keep on walking and keep on looking.
What are we doing with ourselves? Can you look in the mirror and know you are beautiful from the inside out? And if you can't, are you going to do something about it? Are you going to wait for a man to make you feel beautiful? Or are you going to pick yourself up off the floor and start carrying yourself with dignity and respect; start living a happy life even if you are single; and start believing in yourself again?
You are a beautiful child of a God that is in love with you. He wants the best for you. He has a great plan for you. He sees every tear you cry. He knows exactly how you feel. If you've given up on His plan, it's not too late. It's never too late. Don't be scared to seek his plan for your life. Of course it will change a lot of things but oh how perfect is the will of God. Your selfish and failed attempt to make yourself happy will always leave a void. Always. Stop running. Stop ignorning. Stop thinking you can out smart God. Accept his grace and his love and begin to see yourself the way He sees you.
I think you're beautiful. I think you are so beautiful and no matter what has happened to you or what you have been through, you are a queen and deserve to be treated so. You deserve love and respect. You deserve manners, happiness, and peace. The scars on your heart left over from life are beautiful because it's made you stronger. The pain and the hurt you've had to endure has not gone in vain, your reward will be great. But don't let that stop you from believing in yourself. Don't let that stop you from what you desire in your heart. No matter how you feel or what you're going through, wake up each day telling yourself you're beautiful.
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